


I’m Living a Teenage Dream

by faithinthepoor



Series: Glee [22]
Category: Glee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 18:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1951581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set following Never Been Kissed</p>
            </blockquote>





	I’m Living a Teenage Dream

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows [I’m Not That Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640810), [It Sucks to be Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640836), [Kiss Me Goodbye](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640850), [We All Have Sorrow](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640862), [I’m Not Myself Lately](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640884), [I Ain’t the Worst You’ve Ever Seen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640900), [I Know That I’ve Got Issues](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640908), [You’ll Never See What You’ve Done to Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641365), [Everyone Must Stand Alone](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641370), [I Should Be Happy](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641377), [Every Now and Then I Fall Apart](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641387), [I Wish That I Had Jesse’s Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641391), [I Dreamed That God Would Be Forgiving](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641394), [I Don’t Want To Be Friends](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641401), [I’m a Loser Baby](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641414), [I Sometimes Wish I’d Never Been Born At All](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641422), [I Don’t Wanna Think Anymore](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951407), [I Am Stronger Than Yesterday](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951449), [Can You Hear Me Praying?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951482), [If I Lost You Would I Cry?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951506) and [I’ve Got to Keep Control](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951545)

When Quinn first thought of this plan she was pretty impressed with it and with herself by extension. She didn’t think it was that much of a stretch to be throwing around words like genius and savant. Her plan yielded some impressive initial results which did nothing to disprove her genius theory. Now, as she lets Sam paw her whilst trying to block his touch out of her mind, she feels more like an idiot. How the hell did it never occur to her that this was the downside of her scheme? In retrospect it is perfectly obvious and she blames her mistake on the Rachel Berry shaped lacuna in her reasoning.

This plan has had far worse results than having to suffer through Sam’s petting; it has caused something ugly in her to raise its head. On paper it would seem as though the proverbial green eyed monster had surfaced but she knows that this is not the case. To be jealous of Sam’s apparent proclivity for Bieste she would have to have feelings for Sam and that is simply not the case. What Sam’s behaviour has dared to threaten is her ego. She may be with him for all the wrong reasons but there is no way in the world that he was meant to feel anything other than complete devotion. What the plan has unmasked is not jealously but rather her ruthless desire to maintain her regained status.

The person that she wants to be wouldn’t care whether Sam was jonesing for a large, masculine woman and so it’s clear that Quinn has yet to become that person. It’s ridiculous that she even allowed herself to feel threatened. If Bieste had turned out to be Sam’s type that would not really be a niche market that Quinn could compete in. It would be like losing a boyfriend to another man – painful but ultimately defensible. This analogy would be a little more comforting if it didn’t also equate to losing Rachel to Finn. She can’t compete with Finn, she can read and write and tie her own shoelaces, and if he is really what Rachel wants then Quinn’s position is futile. 

She would like to think that it’s vulnerability that drove her actions but she knows that isn’t true. Quinn may fear that, even if she were perfect, it may not be good enough to lure Rachel away from a life more ordinary but that is not why she confronted Bieste. That was primitive and territorial. That was petty and childlike. That was Quinn Fabray.

Quinn slipped back into old behaviours so quickly that she is ashamed of herself. She didn’t talk to Sam about her assumptions. She didn’t mention them to the members of the glee club who are nominally her friends. She didn’t talk to Rachel about her fears – although to be fair that may have had a little to do with the fact that she didn’t want Rachel to imagine that Sam may not find her desirable. Instead of turning to anyone that might support her she went straight to Couch Sylvester. She fell right back into patterns that she thought she had outgrown.

Taking life advice from Sue Sylvester is like wearing sunglasses because Miss Pillsbury suggested that it would make her look cool. It reeks of a level of desperation to which Quinn should not have to sink. She may have put a dent in her life’s trajectory by getting herself knocked up by a felon but she doesn’t plan to end up in a dead end job for the Ohio Public School District. Neither of those women have real lives and Quinn should know better than to seek their counsel.

What she did to Bieste, under the guidance of a delusional power junky, was reprehensible. Life has already made things way too difficult for Bieste. Quinn doesn’t know if she would be able to show her face in public everyday if she had have been dealt the hand that Bieste has and she should be applauding the woman rather than getting her fired. On top of that she subjected the poor woman to the boys’ mashup. Watching them tying to create a singing, dancing hybrid of Dianna Ross and En Vogue may be something that is fun for the rest of New Directions but it’s really not the sort of thing that an outsider should have to watch. 

She is not an expert on what Bieste might like but Quinn is fairly sure that it is a universal desire not to have a tribute to you feature an extended period of the performers ignoring you while they fixate on their paramours. Well, Kurt wasn’t actually doing that but playfully bumping and grinding on Mercedes is probably another thing that should be kept in-house. If she were Bieste she would not have been as understanding.

Very little good has come out of this whole endeavour. She would be feeling totally despondent if Schue’s little lesson of the week hadn’t have resulted in Quinn getting to see Rachel rocking it out in tight leather. That sight was definitely a blessing and it led to a satisfyingly awkward moment at the girls’ dress rehearsal. Quinn had done everything in her power to arrive early. She knew that Rachel likes to be the first on scene so that she can use that advantage to try and dominate the group. Quinn also knew that everyone else likes to arrive late to avoid being singled out for a lecture from Rachel about vocal or performance technique. This left Quinn with a convenient window that she was determined to use to her advantage.

When Rachel arrived Quinn was sitting on the stands. Her outfit wasn’t really tailored for sitting but Quinn felt that abdominal discomfort and difficulty breathing were small prices to pay if it meant showing off what the pants did for her legs. Rachel was apparently impressed by Quinn’s sacrifice as she stood there opening and closing her mouth like a fish ripped from the water. 

Quinn had to summon the power of speech because seeing Rachel in her outfit was no less impressive, “I really like our costumes for this performance.” Rachel remained dumbstruck but did manage to walk over to sit next to Quinn. “Aren’t you happy with them?”

“They are not the easiest things to sing in but I think they are appropriate for the assignment.”

“They are also kind of hot.”

“Leather doesn’t tend to breath all that well but it’s not like we have to be in them for hours.”

“That’s not the kind of hot I was referring to.”

“Oh,” Rachel resumed her fish impression.

“I sorta thought that’s why you picked them.”

“I just wanted us all look like cool rocker chicks.”

“You didn’t want us to look good?”

“Well that doesn’t hurt.”

“No it doesn’t,” Quinn agreed as she placed her hand on Rachel’s thigh only to have Rachel pick up that hand and remove it. “Have I done something wrong?”

“The others will be here soon,” Rachel replied.

“I know that, that’s why we have to make the most of this moment.” Quinn attempted to capture Rachel’s lips but Rachel moved her head away. Quinn felt a sense of betrayal that turned her insides cold, “Don’t you want me anymore?”

“Of course I want you,” Rachel placed a hand on the side of Quinn’s face and ran her thumb over Quinn’s cheek. “I’m just not all that sure that you want me.”

Quinn rolled her eyes, “I can’t see how I could have made myself much clearer.” She reclaimed her territory on Rachel’s thigh but when Rachel looked down at the sight a wave of sadness crashed over her face.

“I think you like the idea of me more than you like me.”

“What happened to telling me that I’m yours?”

“Sometimes I feel that and can even make myself believe it but other times I think I just want it to be true.”

“What do you want?”

“I want you.”

“You’ve got me.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know.”

“See,” Rachel stated as though she had somehow closed her case.

“Do you want me to say that you’ll have me forever? I don’t know that. No one can know that. You probably won’t even remember my name when you are the toast of Broadway.”

“I’m sure I’d still remember your name at least with prompting.”

Quinn laughed softly and stroked Rachel’s hair, “That’s good to know but for now I am not going anywhere.”

“So you are ok with all the secrets and the sneaking around?”

“Not really but God help me I actually think you are worth it.”

“I hope you mean that. Sometimes I think that you find the secrets and lies exciting and that that is what you really like about being with me.”

Quinn squeezed Rachel’s shoulder, “Is that why you didn’t want me to touch you?”

“Maybe,” Rachel said but she also nodded slowly.

“Well then let me tell you that the cloak and dagger thing doesn’t so much turn me on as make me feel depressed.”

“So do you think we should stop?”

“I didn’t say that. There are way too many things that we haven’t done yet for me to stop.”

“That makes me feel a little better.”

“High on my list is slowing pealing this outfit off you.”

Rachel’s fish face suddenly included very dark eyes and she grabbed Quinn’s hand and moved it higher up her thigh, “I am going to hold you to that.”

Quinn was in the process of slowly walking her fingers up to Rachel’s waistband when Brittany and Santana entered. Quinn noted that they both look amazing and tried not to think about the fact that neither of their bodies would be marred with stretch marks. She managed to pull herself out of the waters of her own insecurity when she realised that Rachel completely disregarded their entrance and appearance. Quinn felt a sense of pride to know that Rachel only had eyes for her but she was quickly taken back into dark waters as she amended that realisation to include the eyes that Rachel has for Finn.

She tries to crystallise the earlier revelation in her mind as she feels Sam’s weight push down or her. Sometimes when she is with Rachel things seem so easy and she feels like everything she dreams is possible. When she is separated from Rachel that clarity fades. The truth is that she has managed to saddle herself with another boy whom she doesn’t have feelings for and even though she did it with good intentions it is still sucking away her soul. So much for dreams, her adolescence is turning out to be more like a nightmare.


End file.
